Folks, today I woke up from a very restless slumber to find myself in a blue mood. Although I spent many of my younger years entombed in a raw depression, over time my emotions have dulled into a subdued contentment with peaks of pure elation.1 This all to say, I rarely feel sad. When I do feel sad, I am sure that I feel it less acutely than I did before, but it is still an emotion I do my best to avoid.
But today it is unavoidable. I am leaving Boulder, Colorado, my home for the last four months. I am leaving behind seasonal change, the promise of a halloween-decorated workspace (“But you’re leaving before I can put up all the elegant decorations!” - Morgan, workspace manager at Kiln), friendships with both new people and ones from my childhood hometown, and lastly, but exigently, the mountains.
There is no doubt in my mind, when I stuff myself into the packed CRV with its sagging rear struts from the weight of four bikes and four months worth of sundries, a knife roll, a white-noise machine, and other things deemed necessities; I will cry as I always do when I say good bye to the sharply abbreviated horizon.
One day I hope to call this place my primary domicile (I will resist the urge to call it that out loud of course — to other sane, humans I will call it my home). That day is not today.
Longingly,
Cayla
Some who know me best (and deal with me often) would say these peaks can be “a bit too much”
Always beautiful. Today was beautiful and touching. Ditto on Dawn's sentiments...stay if you want. Fly back for ACL and fly back to your new home in Boulder. Rent a place for 6 months. Be there to experience all the seasons and that frigid cold I stay far away from. :)
If you're heart tells you to stay, listen to it.
Oh, kiddo, stay! Don't leave your new home if you love it so much. Stay and rent a place there. Pack your things into a storage unit, take a quick trip, and come back ready to finish putting down roots.
Stay!!!!